ic inbox

[headjacked]

Heyyyyyyyy, kiddo, you've reached me. Me who is Rhys. Anyway, not sure why you're trying to get in contact with the king of the dweebs, but I'm sure you've got your reasons. Reasons you should probably re-examine. I'm just sayin'.

Last chance to back out.

No?

Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Comments

[headjacked]

O...kay, that's sensible enough, but. Is this supposed to be an apology?

[ Very rough. Very sweaty. ]

[mightyratslayer]

[Okay, good question.]

I don't know, man. I guess not or else I'd be saying I'm sorry. And, like, maybe I will, but I'm still pretty pissed off about how shit went down, y'know? What was up with that?

[headjacked]

I -- didn't we go over this? [ He delivered a lot of apologies, perhaps he is mixing things up. ] I freaked out 'cause a friend of mine seemed to be in danger. Wasn't thinking clearly. Lashed out. Panicked. All of that.

And I apologized, which you didn't accept and -- fine -- you didn't have to. Still don't. But if you aren't here to say sorry for the shitty things YOU said... why bother messaging me?

[mightyratslayer]

Yeah, yeah, I get it. Okay. [Rhys does kind of have a point. Charlie doesn't really remember what all he said, but he remembers being pretty angry, so it can't have been anything good. Apparently "eat shit and die" was involved.

Maybe he should apologize, then, but that doesn't mean he wants to. He's here to patch things up, and he wants to do that, but if it was easy, he could've let it go on his own without needing to show up in Rhys's inbox.]

I guess I just wanted to talk to you more because I want to believe you're not a shitty person. You aren't, probably. And I know why you said all the shit you said, you explained all that, and I know you apologized. Just, God, I don't know, man. If I'm gonna be sorry, I should mean it, y'know? I don't want all this crap in my head anymore and if I just say sorry because it's a nice thing to do, I'm not sure that's gonna help anything.

[headjacked]

[ He fully realizes, then, that he's dealing with someone who just does not know how to properly apologize. He chews his words as carefully as he can. ]

It's not all that complicated, actually. If you're sorry, you didn't mean what you said. If you're not, you did.

[ Black and white thinking, perhaps, but if you strip everything away... ]

[mightyratslayer]

[Charlie makes a face. Rhys can't mean that. This all sure feels pretty complicated. It's a complicated situation. He's not all that sure he should trust Rhys's opinions when it comes to apologizing. This is the guy that swung and missed pretty hard on his last go.

But Charles forgave Rhys. And Ginger told Charlie about how Rhys and Angel did a bunch of cool stuff against the admin and then got in trouble for it. And Rhys is one of Fiona's friends. Charlie remembers how upset she was when they had to vote for Rhys's team during that underground tunnel thing. They must be pretty close.

If all the people that Charlie respects most can be cool with Rhys, why can't he? He thought he was doing good, trying to hash things out with him like this. But maybe it was a mistake. Maybe he's too busted.]

Okay... Well, if those are my only options, then I guess I'm, um, not sorry. Sorry.

[He meant it. He hates that he meant it, but he did. Rhys has been honest with him so far, so the least Charlie can do is be honest back.]

[headjacked]

[ This is the saddest snorfle you'll probably hear in your natural born life, Charlie boy. ]

All right. For the record, I have already eaten shit and died, so maybe we can call it square after all.

[mightyratslayer]

What? I didn't see you on an obituary.

[headjacked]

You'd have to dig a little further back. I was thinking a retroactive -- it was a joke. K...ind of.

[mightyratslayer]

Oh. [Charlie's a little lost.] I didn't mean that part literally. But, like, the other stuff I said. About how you apologizing didn't really help and how it was extra crappy of you to say what you said to me and Charles if you had been through a similar thing before. That's the stuff I'm not sorry about because I still think it's true.

[headjacked]

-- really, why. Are you here.

[ Color Rhys lost too. As far as he's concerned, they're agreeing on the meat of the issue, at least as far as Rhys' asshole behavior is concerned, so. So... ]

We're just going 'round and 'round now.

[mightyratslayer]

[Rhys gets a big sigh. Charlie lost track of what they were even talking about, and now he's getting frustrated. How did this get so jumbled?]

Because I don't like staying angry about stuff, but I don't know how to stop being mad at you. And, God, sorry dude, maybe that's just not gonna happen. It gets worse every time we talk.

[headjacked]

You're gonna find out that most grudges here fade with time, except. Like. Murder-y ones. Because we're all shooting for the same thing here, b... barring the murdering crazy types again.

[mightyratslayer]

[Charlie pauses for a moment to think about that.] So, what, are you just cool with me thinking your an asshole? [Another pause.] Beckett tried to murder me and damn near succeeded but he apologized and we're cool now. So... That's weird. Those two things together.

[headjacked]

It's almost as if the life-or-death situation we're in is more important than panic-slash-pain induced screaming matches.

Who knew.

[ Emotion sometimes clouds this, and he may not always practice what he preaches here, but. Them's the facts. ]

[mightyratslayer]

[He recoils at the sarcasm. Goddammit. This shit again?]

Don't patronize me. That's my whole point, dude. On like, twelve different levels. [He settles in for a rant, counting off his points on his fingers. He's so sick of Rhys treating him like he's an idiot.]

I don't wanna waste my time thinking you're a tool, which is why I'm here. I'm also here because I was in a life-or-death situation and you started the whole panicy screaming match. And I'm here because the guy that put me in a life-or-death situation is now my buddy, meanwhile I'm still mad at the screaming match guy, which is maybe because he keeps saying rude shit like this, which sounds like he didn't mean his apology, either.

[He gives Rhys a Look when he's finished.] You wanna call me out for being an asshole? Fine, but get off your high horse, man. I'm cool with agreeing to disagree, I guess, if you stop acting like you know better than me. Clearly, you don't.

[headjacked]

Well, figure your own shit out, then. [ Now he really doesn't know what Charlie wants. At all. ] I don't know your hot buttons, and obviously, I hit one. And you don't know mine. Neither of us are psychic.

I said sorry, and I am, and I left it alone 'cause you obviously wanted that. But here you are. You keep saying, I don't wanna think you're a tool, a shitty person, like you expect something else from me. What do you WANT?

[mightyratslayer]

[God, this is such a mess. He shouldn't have messaged Rhys in the first place. What got fucked up this time? He was trying so hard. Ugh. Now he's just the same amount of angry that he was before, but he also feels... Sticky. Like heartburn but in his head.

It's the kind of feeling he gets when he's been thinking too hard for too long and still can't figure out which way is up. Dennis used to make him feel this way a lot. And Frank and his mom. Beckett did a little bit too, and Watson, but only sometimes with Watson. What is this? He doesn't like it. It's gross.]

I don't know, man. I guess I wanted you to give me some reason not to think that stuff. Like, all this people think you're alright and I can't for the life of me figure out why, but there's gotta be something, right? But you just keep talking down to me like I'm an idiot.

[headjacked]

Alright, so. How did you think I was going to go about that. Proving I'm a good guy in a single conversation.

[mightyratslayer]

...Not talking down to me like I'm an idiot would be a good start. [Is this guy even hearing what Charlie's saying? Is he hearing himself?]

And, like, there's a lot of space between being a good guy and being a bad guy. Like, gray area, y'know? [He demonstrates said gap by holding up his hands.] I'm not saying you gotta prove you're a good guy, just that you're not terrible.

[headjacked]

Mmmokay, bud, I'll get right on that vague-ass request of yours.

[ Sarcasm isn't making him feel better either, shockingly.

God, he wishes he had something to cut through the random pain-stabbies. They're not helping with his irritability. ]

I'll work on that and maybe you work on not taking LITERALLY EVERYTHING as me insinuating you're an idiot. Deal?

[mightyratslayer]

Uh...

[What's going on here? Something about this feels off, like Rhys isn't hearing what he's saying or maybe his words aren't coming out right. He doesn't know how to be clearer, and he doesn't think he's asking for all that much, and he doesn't think he's just taking stuff too hard... But maybe he is. He has no idea anymore. All he knows is that his head feels muddy, kind of like when he huffs too much glue before going to sleep.]

Okay. Fine. Whatever, dude. I feel like we're on two totally different pages, but fine.

[Is it fine, though? Charlie's way angrier than he was before this conversation, and now his head's all gummed up and he feels sticky on top of it all. This backfired spectacularly.] How does that solve anything, though?